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In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes – Andy Warhol. Well I had my own brief moment of fame when I appeared on national television. Britain’s new terrestrial station, Channel Five, was asking for people to make up their studio audience for their weekend sports review show, ‘Turnstyle’. I had never been to a television studio before, so made my way to Southampton to take part. I was ushered into a waiting room to drink some free Channel Five coffee and meet some of the show’s reporters. "Does anyone have any strong views on ‘Pay per view football’?" they asked. Now I am not much of a football fan, but I do have strong views about lining the pockets of Rupert Murdoch, owner of Sky, still further. Delighted by this (they are a free channel after all) they asked me to be interviewed live during the show. Once a few more volunteers had been found to take part in other items, we were taken into the studio. It is surprising how small a television studio actually is. Whilst on screen it appears to be cavernous, I would estimate the floor could be covered in ten or so large strides. It is also very hot under the lights, not the place to be if you had rather over-indulged the night before! mf ‘Turnstyle’ is a live broadcast. There are no re-takes, it goes out on screen as it happens, warts and all. To make sure things go as smoothly as possible, we are given a short, concise but thorough briefing on the schedule and what is required of us by the director. "Lots of cheering, clapping and generally being excited please," he stresses. Following a quick demonstration of the various hand signals and what they mean, we are positioned on the staircase with the main presenters, Dominik Diamond and Gail McKenna, and wait for the show to begin. The countdown is given to going ‘On Air’, the opening credits roll and the show begins with all of us applauding wildly. There are a few very important things to remember. The presenters, whilst working from a broad brief, have a fair amount of their material shown to them via a tele-prompter. The trick for the audience is not to read ahead and do something stupid like laugh at a joke before the presenter makes it! Fortunately we behave ourselves quite well. In between the live features, there are a number of pre-recorded items. These have two important functions; firstly to give the show structure and second to allow time to move the ‘punters’, i.e. me and the rest of the audience, into position for the next live action in the studio. We are ushered from place to place whilst the camera ‘s eye is not on us, compounding the illusion of size and also giving the impression that there are a lot more people and a lot more going on. As the show rolls on, we all begin to relax and become more natural in our responses. It is in my mind however, that my ‘slot’ has not yet happened. I am due up in part five of the show and so start to rehearse a few things in my head, along the lines of what was discussed in the waiting room earlier. mf Finally, whilst the next commercial break is being broadcast, I am moved onto the staircase next to the reporter I had spoken to earlier, Georgina Stait, ready for my interview. One other member of the audience is due to speak before me, after the main presenters have a discussion over the phone with the Minister for Sport, Tony Banks, on the subject I am to discuss ‘pay per view television’. As we are counted down to being ‘On Air’ again, I am desperately trying to keep my mouth moist. A combination of the hot studio lights, ‘pre-interview’ nerves and dehydration from the night before are all taking their toll, and my mouth begins to do an impression of the Sahara Desert on a particularly hot day! My big moment arrives. Tony Banks has been on the phone and Georgina asks the person next to me their question. He has an attack of nerves and begins to go completely off the point. I notice the ‘wrap up’ signal being given by the producer and realise I will be interviewed in a matter of moments. With a neat link line, the microphone is swung over to me and I give a brief live interview. Thankfully, I remember everything I was told to do - ‘speak normally, do not look at the camera and try not to fidget’. Once I start speaking, the nerves go totally and I begin to relax. I must have been speaking for thirty seconds, but it seems like an age. Then I see the signal to ‘wrap up’ the feature. With a neat summary from Georgina, the cameras return to the main presenters. My pulse begins to slow down and I sit back to enjoy the rest of the show mf. In almost no time at all, it is all over. It hardly seems that the opening credits had gone on screen, let alone a two-hour broadcast. We are thanked for our contribution, and I am taken aside to be told that they would have liked to have allocated more time to my interview, but the feature was running over. To be honest I was both disappointed and pleased that there was no more time! Afterwards I stopped in a ‘local’ for lunch before making my way home to watch my tape of the programme. There is another old saying that is appropriate, Television adds twenty pounds to your weight. When you are twenty pounds overweight to start with, this is not at all flattering! Back to Bob's index... |